Two policemen went on patrol and at 4 o’clock at night when they suddenly saw an older man walking alone in the street wobbling and barely walking a straight line.
They stopped him for questioning, make sure he’s not drunk in public or getting into a car to drive home. “Where does sir come from please?” They asked him.

“I come from the best place in the world!” He answered in a very slushed voice. “This is my favorite bar that has the best drinks and the nicest girls! Each one is friendlier than the next!” The man continued and winked at the cops.

“It sounds like a great place.” Said one of the officers. “And where are you going at a time like this? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“What? sleep!? No way, I’m on my way to a lecture on alcohol addiction and its effects on the body, the harms of smoking and proper social behavior.”

“Reaaaally?” an officer said dubiously, exchanging knowing looks with his partner. “Are you sure you didn’t drink too much tonight? I seriously doubt anyone is giving lectures on these topics at a time like this.”

The man sighed and said, “Tell that to my wife…

Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: “How do you spell Mississauga?”

The other one replied: “I don’t know.”

So the first one said: “Well what are we going to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed.”

The second oficer said: “Why don’t we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?”

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri State line.
When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn’t want to be late.

The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn’t give him a ticket.

The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the man.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.

The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “Might as well take my ass on to jail, there’s no way in hell I can pass that test!”