It’s the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist for speeding. While he’s writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably.

“Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren’t they?” says the motorist.

“Yeah,” says the patrolman, “if that’s what these are, you’re sure right. But I’ve never heard of a circle fly before. What’s that?”

“Well,” the motorist responds, “circle flies are a species of fly that are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle around a horse’s rear end. That’s why they call ’em circle flies.”

The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, “You don’t say. Well, that’s very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to call me a horse’s ass. You wouldn’t be making that kind of implication about an officer of the law, would you?”

“Oh, no sir!” responds the motorist. “No, sir, not at all. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of implying that one of them was a horse’s ass. No, sir, I’m terribly sorry if that’s how it sounded.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” replied the patrolman.

“Yeah,” the motorist continued, “but there’s just no fooling those circle flies, is there?”

A woman was driving with her husband when was pulled over by the police.
Woman was in a hurry and told the officer so.

“I understand ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”

Woman was beside herself. “That’s dis.crimination!” she shouted.

The officer explained calmly, “Ma’am, I meant the speed limit.”

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says: “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answered: “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replied: “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.