A blonde and a brunette were watching the news and they had someone on who was about to jump off a building.

The brunette says “I bet u he will jump.”

The blonde says “OK”.

Later on he jumps.

When the brunette is leaving she says “I can’t take your money, I saw it happen already on the 5 o’clock news.”

…

..

.

The blonde says “I did too but I didn’t think he would jump again.”

An army trainer was teaching his recruits about survival in the desert.

“What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?” he asked.

Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested, such as food, matches, etc. Then Jay, in the back, eagerly raised his hand.

“Yes, Jay, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?”

Jay replied: “A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.”

“Why`s that, Jay?”

“Well,” answered Jay, “the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration…”

“And what about the deck of cards?” asked the trainer impatiently.

“Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, ‘Put that red nine on top of that black ten!”

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.

“You see,” he explained, “my wife`s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife`s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don`t tell me your wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She`s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me.” said the soldier simply.