Two elderly women were driving in a large car, and neither one could hardly see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light!”
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and they went right through again.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.
Sure enough, the light was red at the next intersection, and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred!!! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have ki…l..l..ed us!”
…
..
.
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh My Gosh!! Am I driving!!?”
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Three convicts were on the way to prison.
They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?”
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the “Grandma Moses of Jail.” Then he asked the first, “What did you bring?”
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, “I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games.”
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?”
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, “I brought these.”
The other two were puzzled and asked, “What can you do with those?”
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, “Well, according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating….”
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A man is sent to prison for the first time.
At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, “Number twelve!” The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, “Number four!” Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.
The new guy asks his cellmate what’s going on. “Well,” says the older prisoner, “we’ve all been in this prison for so long. We all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke.”
So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, “Number twenty-nine!” This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.
When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, “How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?”
“Oh,” says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, “we’d never heard that one before.”
