A man tells his wife that he is going out to buy cigarettes.

When he gets the store, he finds out its closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and starts talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beers and the next thing he knows he’s in the girls apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knows it was 3:00 am.
“Oh my god my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimed. “Quick, give me some talcum powder!” She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he gets home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious. “Where the hell have you been!”