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A priest decides one mid weekday to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith.
He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears.

“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how your are doing.”

The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we`ll have some tea.”

While sitting a the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?”, the priest says.

“Not at all, have as many as you like”.

After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visting says to Mrs Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I`ve eaten all your almonds. I`ll have to replace them next time I visit.”

To which Mrs Smith replied, “Oh don`t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it`s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”

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A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day.
They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.

Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they’d left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.

After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

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A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents.
While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:

– Rocky!!

The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip.

The boy’s father is getting nervous:

– Rocky!! be careful now!!

Worried no more the girl fires another one.

Feeling exasperated, the boy’s father yells:

– Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!